PART FOURTEEN

*AJ*

Stupid photo shoot.

I fidgeted a little in my seat as the cameras kept on clicking. If this went on for much longer, I was gonna go blind for sure.

"All right, that's good," the photographer said. "Now just look at that sign over there." He pointed to a small sign with the words, 'Quiet, photo session in progress,' was printed. I supported my head in my hands and placed my elbows on my knees as I looked at the sign, inspecting every letter and color as the flashing started again.

I directed my gaze a little lower to see Melody and Lilith sit right under it. It was difficult making out their faces, because of the huge lamp shining in my eyes, but I knew it was them. They were talking quietly about something, but I couldn't hear what it was.

I shifted my position a little to be able to look at Melody better, and for once, I didn't care who saw me stare. I can't tell you what it was, but something about her just ... captured me. The way she carried herself so gracefully, and how she was always able to think up snappy comebacks to defend herself.

I suppose ignoring her was a stupid thing to do, but what else could I do? I didn't how else to react to the way she made me feel. The only time I found the courage to look at her was when she sang. Her beautiful voice always made me want to beg her to never stop. It always seemed like the rest of the world faded away when her fingers connected with the piano keys.

You're such an idiot, I told myself. This is an infatuation, that's all it is. Besides, you've got a girlfriend to consider as well.

My mouth turned to a small line at the thought of Lilith. Honestly, she was a nice girl, but her constant whining drove me nuts. Being with her for almost 4 months had made me realize what kind of girl I didn't want to spend my life with. Not that she was a complete monster ... she was just very demanding and expected a lot of things in return for dating me.

For now, I was okay with that fact. But I already knew that it wouldn't be enough someday. Hell, it could never be enough.

"All right, AJ, that's good," the photographer encouraged. "Keep that position. We're almost done."

Thank goodness, I thought with a small sigh of relief. I did as I was told and kept looking at the two girls that made my life such a confused mess. Lilith blew me a kiss and giggled. I smiled vaguely in return, but with no real affection in mind. Instead I looked at Melody and attempted a small smile, this time a more genuine one. She smiled in return and gave me two thumbs up, which made my smile grow even wider.

Remind me again why I was ignoring her? Oh yeah, because I was a damn coward. Forgot about that for a second.

Feeling this insecure around another human being was a completely new feeling for me. Why couldn't I talk to her? I was usually the first to strike up conversation with strangers.

But then again, Melody wasn't a stranger. Not anymore.

Could it really hurt to give it a try? To put my feelings aside for a while and try to get to know her better? No. What bad could come of that? I had everything to gain and nothing to lose. All right, so I had a lot to lose, but still ... I was more than ready to try for her friendship.

"That's a wrap," the photographer exclaimed and removed the film from the camera. "Thanks AJ, you did a good job."

I hopped down from the stool and walked out of the set to let Brian take my place. I plopped down in the seat next to Howie and sighed deeply. "God, I hate the single shots," I said. "Could they possibly make you feel anymore embarrassed?"

Howie chuckled softly. "Oh, it's not that bad. And I would hardly think that something as trivial as a photo shoot could make you embarrassed."

I glanced at him with a grin. "I guess you're right."

"Are you okay though?" he asked, turning serious. "You looked a little ... I don't know, confused when you were sitting in there. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," I reassured. When Howie raised an eyebrow with a look that said, ‘you're not fooling me that easily,' I sighed, "Jeez, I don't know why you guys keep asking me this question."

"Who asked you besides me?"

"Nick did a few days ago."

"Well, we're just worried about you," Howie said quietly. "You don't seem very happy these days."

I leaned back in my seat as a small sigh passed my parted lips. Then I looked to both sides to see if anyone was within hearing reach, then asked, "Do you really wanna know?"

"That's a dumb question," he grinned. "Of course I do."

"Okay," I said, finally giving in to their constant prying. "Well, there's this girl-"

"Ah, I see."

"What, I haven't even started yet."

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"This girl," I said and couldn't help but smile when I thought of her. "She's amazing. I mean, she makes me think about things I've never really considered before. About what it would be like to just spend an entire Sunday morning with her in my arms. Nothing sexual ... necessarily."

Howie grinned and shook his head at me.

"But I don't know," I said softly. "I can't explain it really. The only thing that comes near to describing it is that she makes my heart flutter every time I see her."

Howie nodded, obviously understanding. "And I take it this girl isn't Lilith?" he asked.

I shook my head sadly. "No. Don't get me wrong, Lilith is a sweet girl, but I could never imagine having a serious relationship with her. She's not that kind of person."

"But this girl," Howie said. "Is she that kind of person?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I really don't know her that well. But I want to get to know her, I really do. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've felt like that?"

"Yeah," he said hesitantly. "Not since Paige, right?"

My body tensed at the sound of her name again. "Yeah, something like that," I mumbled and swallowed hard.

We sat in silence for a moment as I tried to push away all the good and bad memories that her name brought to mind. Now was not the time.

"So what are you gonna do?" Howie asked to change the subject. "Are you gonna dump Lilith?"

"No," I shook my head. "My feelings for this girl are not that strong yet. If I get to know her better and I still feel this way, then yes, I might dump her."

"You're making it sound like Lilith is your backup," Howie said surprised.

"Well, I suppose she is," I shrugged. "She's using me, so why should I not use her?"

"I hope you know what you're doing," he said and shook his head. "It sounds kinda risky."

I shrugged and stretched out in my chair. "When it comes to people taking advantage of me, I'm pretty cold-hearted."

"I understand, but you're also allowing her to take advantage of you," Howie remarked dryly. "No one's forcing you to stay with her, AJ. Just remember that."

"I know, I know," I sighed.

"So do I know this girl you're talking about?"

"Nope," I lied.

"What's her name?"

Think quick. "Umm ... Monica."

"That's pretty."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed and smiled to myself. "'Pretty' is exactly the word I would use about her."

"Would you look at this," Howie chuckled. "You've got it bad for her."

"Got it bad for who?"

I turned to see Kevin look at us questioningly. "Uhh ... Lilith," I said and smiled innocently. "Who else, stupid?"

"Aww," Kevin cooed and tilted his head a little. "AJ thinks he's sooo smart when he didn't know that I heard your entire conversation out back."

My eyes widened in fright. "You did?" I asked hesitantly.

"What is wrong with you? Of course I didn't," Kevin chuckled. "Jeez, what are you so nervous about? Were you sharing secrets or something?"

"You're quite nosy today, Kev," Howie remarked as Kevin sat down in a free chair.

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "I'm just bored. By the way, they told me to tell you that you'll be on in five, D."

"Thanks," Howie said and glanced out at the set. "How's Brian doing?"

"The camera loves him as always," Kevin remarked and made a face. "Imagine what it's gonna be like when it's Nick's turn. Damn, if there are any teenyboppers in sight, we'll recognize them when they start screaming."

I chuckled and remembered the last time that had actually happened. "Yup, our little Golden Boy is good for us, that's for sure," I agreed.

"Are you picking on me again?" Nick groaned as he appeared behind the set we were sitting in. "Honestly, do I have to constantly watch over you to make sure you behave?"

"No, that would be Kevin's job," Howie remarked and pointed at Kevin who simply flipped him off in response.

I couldn't help but laugh at everyone's comebacks. Even after all these years of being together all the time, we still got along. Sure, there were quite a lot of fights, but nothing that couldn't be fixed. It was a great feeling to have gained 4 brothers after being an only child all my life.

Another hour passed by as the rest of the individual pictures were taken. We were finally allowed to look at some of the proofs and help decide which ones we were gonna use.

"Look at this one," Nick said and pointed to a group picture. "That's pretty good, don't you think?"

I nodded approvingly. "It's definitely one of the better ones," I said and made a face. "God, I hate looking at pictures of myself."

"Aww Pookie, you look good in all of them," Lilith exclaimed and tucked on my sleeve. "Look at this one."

She pointed to one of my single pictures that had been taken while I was looking over at Lilith and Melody. "You look so thoughtful in this picture," Lilith remarked. "It's very deep."

I glanced briefly at Melody, who was standing at another table with pictures, talking to Brian. "Yeah, it's okay," I shrugged and looked back at the picture.

Nick leaned in over my shoulder to see. "Hey, that is good," he said, sounding somewhat surprised. "What were you thinking about?"

"Like I can remember," I smiled in another straight-faced lie. "I'm gonna go check out some of the others."

"Hurry back, okay?" Lilith said softly and smiled seductively.

"Yeah okay," I said quickly, barely noticing what she'd said. I steered for the table that Brian and Melody were standing at and asked, "Hey. Find any good ones?"

"Ugh, no," Brian exclaimed and wrinkled his nose. "I look stupid in all of them."

"Hey, that's not true," Melody protested and pointed to a few pictures that actually weren't half bad. "What about this one? And this one? And this?" Her finger kept pointing at a new picture, but Brian kept shaking his head.

"You're way too critical, Bri," I chuckled and looked at Melody. "Knock some sense into his head, would you?"

"I'm trying," she chuckled and shook her head. "He won't listen to reason."

"I'm glad you two are having fun," Brian remarked dryly with a small pout.

"Aww, how adorable," Melody laughed and pulled him in for a hug. "You're so cute when you're offended."

He blushed slightly, making her laugh even more. I gotta say, I rather enjoyed it myself. Both watching Brian being humiliated and hearing Melody laugh again.

"Do you still wanna come out with us or has all that waiting around made you tired?" I asked.

"Quite the contrary," she said. "I wanna get out and stretch my legs again. I'm all up for it."

I smiled softly. "That sounds great," I said. "We'll be going in a few minutes. Brian, you're coming too, right?"

"Of course," he said. "We just gotta pick up Leighanne on the way."

"She's coming too?" Melody asked with joy in her eyes. "I can't wait to talk to her again."

"Aww, I'm glad you're getting along," Brian smiled and patted her on the head. She squirmed and chuckled a little.

I buried my hands in my pockets and sighed. Dammit, why wasn't I able to do that stuff? Be completely comfortable around her and make her smile all the time? In time, I told myself. Just be patient. And make an effort this time.

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Chapter 13 » Chapter 15