PART TWENTY-FOUR

*AJ*

I closed the door to Melody's apartment with a big grin on my face. Everything was set – now I just needed to go down and get her and ... honestly, I had no idea how I would get this out in the open. All I knew was that I couldn't keep it locked inside anymore. I was bursting to tell her, letdown or no letdown. If worse came to worse, I just had to swallow her rejection and continue like nothing had happened. Although I doubted that was possible.

I began walking down the stairs when I heard the entrance door open and feet being dragged heavily up the stairs. Maybe that's her, I thought and smiled widely. Great timing that girl had. I leaned against the rail of the stairs and busied myself fiddling with her keys in my hands. I shifted the weight on my feet a few times and let out a nervous sigh as the sound of echoing footsteps kept growing louder. And sure enough, a few minutes later I saw Melody take the last set of stairs with slow paces.

"Hey," I smiled. "Didn't I tell you I was coming down to get you?"

She looked up at me and I nearly flinched from the change of expression in her eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked softly when she reached me. She still looked at me without saying anything and dug her hands down in her coat pockets.

"I don't think you should come inside," she said coldly and shot her chin out in defence.

"What?" I asked, feeling utterly confused. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to."

"Melody, what's going on?"

"You tell me," she snapped and walked past me over to her door.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said and ran a hand through my hair. What made her turn so cold all of a sudden?

"Goddammit, I'm so sick of this," she sneered and turned around to face me, her eyes dark and cold. "And I'm sick of you. You keep going back and forth and back and forth." She threw her arms in the air out of frustration. "One minute you look at me like I'm the only woman in the world for you, the next you're making out on the couch with Lilith. Now you tell me you have this big, exciting surprise for me, while I find out that you've been lying to me all along."

"What are you talking-?"

"Fletcher tells me you two have been talking," she snapped and crossed her arms over her chest. "About certain things. About me, AJ!"

"And you actually believe him?" I asked with raised eyebrows. "Look, I don't know what he's told you, but I've never talked to him about you. Whenever he came to visit you at the studio, I would leave the room immediately."

"That's not what he told me."

"Do you take his word over mine?" I questioned. "Melody, the guy has done nothing but hurt you time and time again."

"Maybe, but neither have you," she shot back.

"What? What did I do?"

"AJ, can you look me in the eye and tell me honestly that you haven't been saying things about me behind my back?" she asked and positioned herself in front of me.

"Well ... I-"

I wanted so desperately to object to her question, but I couldn't do it. My mouth opened to say something, but I didn't know what it was. Instead I directed my gaze to the ground.

"I see."

"Melody, it was a long time ago. It was before I even knew you."

"Oh, and that rectifies it?" she exclaimed. "What did you say?"

"Look, it doesn't matter now."

"What did you say?!" she exclaimed so loud the entire hallway echoed with her cry. I stood paralyzed in my spot, feeling my heart being torn apart by the heartbroken look in her eyes.

"That you weren't beautiful," I whispered as I let my arms fall to the sides.

She looked like she'd been slapped in the face. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but I knew that if I did that, she would only pull away. Then the look on her face hardened and her eyes turned into stone right before me.

"So ... let me get this straight," she said after a while of agonizing silence. "You tell me you think I'm beautiful when in reality you find me ugly?"

"No," I said firmly. "It's not ... I mean ... Melody, I was an ass, all right?"

"Damn straight you were."

"But that's not how I feel now."

"I don't give a shit," she hissed and stepped back a few paces, placing her hand on the rail. "AJ, I want you to take a good look at me. Just look at me." She held her arms out to the sides only to let them fall seconds later. "My mascara is running and my hair is a mess. My high heels are broken and the bottom of my dress is dirty. This is me. This is who I am. All that other stuff wasn't real. I'm nothing but some worthless, stupid, fat, ugly slut who will never be loved by anyone other than her parents. And that's the honest truth."

"Melody, stop saying that!" I exclaimed and reached out for her hand. She jerked away so quickly I nearly fell over.

"Don't come near me," she whispered. "You were the one who made me believe I could be different. You, AJ. My God, I lost all this freaking weight just so you would begin to notice me, and look how that turned out. I'm exactly the same, only a lot more stupid and naive than when I started."

I swallowed hard, but could do nothing but stand motionless and watch her fall apart right in front of my eyes. "I mean, I suppose I should've known," she said with a small, unreal chuckle. "Who would ever give a fuck about poor little Melody Roberts from Michigan? Fletcher was right all along, it was so stupid of me to get my hopes up when I knew that you were out of my league."

Her eyes began to cloud up with tears and she immediately closed them and turned her head away furiously.

"Why are you saying these things?" I asked quietly. "Where is all this stuff coming from?"

"This is me, AJ," she said and opened her eyes again. "This is how I've always felt. You think I'm some happy little girl who bounces around her apartment and writes sappy songs all day? Half the time my smiles and perky attitude aren't even real. I know what people think of me when they see me walk by. They think I'm not clever enough to know, but I've figured it out." She nodded to herself and threw a hand up in the air. "'There goes the fat girl, off to buy herself some more treats.' How many times do you think I've gotten that judgmental look?"

"But that's not you."

"How the hell do you know?" she exclaimed. "Have you ever really taken the time to get to know me, AJ? As soon as Lilith walked by, you forgot I was even in the room."

My eyes widened at her accusation and I shook my head. "That's not true."

"Don't lie to me again," she hissed and looked away. "Do you have any idea how much it broke my heart to see you look at her like she was some sort of goddess? But when you looked at me, your expression always changed. Always."

"Have you ever stopped to think about what that change of expression meant?" I asked desperately.

"Like I didn't know," she snapped. "God, you've hurt me so many times, whether or not you know it. I can't take it anymore. You know what, you choose. Right here and now."

"Melody, please don't-"

"Choose," she repeated sternly and looked at me again. "It's just me. There's no one else here. Choose!"

I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. "You want me to choose, Melody?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Fine. I choose you, okay? I'd choose you over anyone. Now you know."

For a moment that seemed to last an eternity, the hallway was so silent you could hear the TV's blaring from the other apartments. I opened my eyes again to see her glare at me disbelieving.

"So now you pity me," she said and nodded. "That's just great."

"Dammit, what do I have to do to convince you?" I exclaimed angrily.

"I just want you to be honest with me!"

"I am being honest!"

"How do you expect me to believe you?" she asked and placed her hands on her hips. "I mean, everything else you've told me so far has been a lie, hasn't it?"

"None of it was ever a lie," I said softly and attempted to step a few paces closer. She only backed further towards her door and a sigh of frustration escaped my throat. "Who made you think this way?" I asked. "You didn't feel like this when we got here."

"Does it even matter?" she asked and I could hear the exhaustion oozing out of her. "All that matters is that I know the truth now."

"Melody, please stop this. You're freaking me out."

"I don't care!" she screamed with agony written all over her face. "I feel like my heart has been ripped out of me and it's all because I'm not beautiful. Maybe if I was, things would've been different. Maybe I would've had 10 boyfriends by now instead of just one. And maybe, just maybe you would look at me like you look at her. But things are not different!"

"Don't compare yourself to Lilith," I said sternly. "You two are nothing alike."

"Right, she's beautiful and I'm not."

"Stop saying that!"

"But it's what you mean, isn't it?"

"Dammit, I never even suggested it."

"You know, I always thought you were different," she said and stepped a little closer so it was impossible to look away from the stir of emotion going on behind her eyes. "No matter how many times you made me cry, I always thought, ‘I'm just being ridiculous. AJ's not shallow like that, he believes that beauty comes from the inside.' But I couldn't have been more wrong. And you know what, you're right. Beauty is not something that comes from the inside. Hell, the only way you can get someone to want you is if you're some skinny, blond bimbo who can wink and suck on a lollipop. Correct me anytime here."

I felt like breaking into tears right there and then. But instead, I bit my lower lip and whispered, "You're wrong."

"Really?" she questioned in mock surprise. "Spoken like a true hypocrite. You were with a girl for so many months because she was pretty. Not because you cared, no, but she was beautiful so it didn't matter, right?"

I clenched my fists in anger. "Don't talk of things you know nothing about," I spat.

"I just want you to admit it," she said, her voice growing louder by the minute. "Just admit that you don't believe a single word you've told me about beauty. Admit it, dammit!"

A door was opened on the floor below us and an elderly lady stuck her head out. "Would you be quiet up there?" she scolded. "Some of us are trying to get some sleep."

Melody struggled not to let her emotions show when she replied, "Sorry, Mrs. Hewitt." She turned her head to look directly at me as she said, "We're done here."

"Melody..."

"I want you to leave," she said sternly. "I can't deal with anymore of this right now. So just go."

"I'm not leaving you like this," I replied and held my ground. She glared back at me, but I didn't budge.

"Fine," she then said and shrugged. "Stay out here and rotten for all I care. I'm going inside."

Without saying anything further, she turned around, opened her door and closed it behind her. Suddenly the hallway was quiet again, leaving me with the sound of her cries still echoing in my head. "Goddammit!" I yelled off the top of my lungs as I kicked the wall fiercely. "Son of a bitch! This is fucking unbelievable!"

Panting heavily, I slammed my forehead against the cold wall as I struggled to comprehend what had just happened.

How could I have lost her before she was even mine?

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Chapter 23 » Chapter 25