PART ONE

With my legs pulled up underneath me, I gazed up at the moon with my head supported by my hand. A small smile played on my lips, as I took in the wonderful silence of the room. The quiet times of day weren't exactly frequent anymore, but when they every once in a while graced me with their presence, I welcomed them with open arms.

"Why is it that every time I leave you alone, you always look like some lost daydreamer?"

I turned around and smiled softly at Lorna, who leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest, a knowing smirk on her full lips. "I'm just thinking," I remarked. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," she said as she made her way over to me and plopped down in the couch with a deep sigh. "I'm totally beat, though."

"Why don't you go home?" I asked softly. "I'll manage. Isn't Nick waiting for you?"

Lorna turned her head and smiled halfheartedly as she shook her head. "He went back on the road a few weeks ago."

"What? You didn't tell me that."

She simply shrugged. "You didn't ask."

I ran a hand through my hair and wrapped my arms around my legs. "But I thought you told me they were finished with the tour," I said as I scratched the tip of my nose.

"No, just on a small break," she remarked. "They'll be back next week though. I can't wait to see him again." She sighed quietly and changed her position so she sat with her legs pulled up under her. "I really miss him," she said sadly. "It seems like a lifetime ago since I last saw him. I mean, we talk at least once every day, but still..."

I smiled sympathetically and patted her arm without saying anything. Nick and Lorna had actually been together for over a year now. It never ceased to amaze me how she could still get stars in her eyes when she mentioned him, even after all this time. But then again, the tour had been going for 9 months now, with only small breaks inbetween. It wasn't often they saw each other.

"I bet he misses you like crazy," I said quietly. "But a week isn't too long when you think about it."

"Maybe not for you," she remarked and glanced at me. "Why don't you come see him sometime? They all keep asking about you, you know? They miss you."

I shook my head vigorously and looked out the window again. "You know I can't do that, Lorna," I said as I closed my eyes. "As much as I miss them, I can't do it. Not after..."

I swallowed hard and looked back at her with a small smile. "Well, you know," I said.

She nodded solemnly and looked down to her hands, as the room grew quiet once again. I bit my lower lip as I glanced at her through the corner of my eye. The words that were on the tip of my tongue seemed almost impossible to get out. Finally, I drew in a deep breath and looked at Lorna again.

"How is he?"

She looked up, surprised at first, then sighed softly. "He's okay," she nodded. "He really misses you, though. The last time I saw him, he kept mostly to himself. He's closed up a lot since you walked out on him, Melody. But then again, so have you."

I looked down and nervously fiddled with my hands. "Has he changed a lot?" I asked quietly.

"Why don't you just come see him and ask him for yourself?"

"Why are you so bitter all of a sudden?"

"Because I hate doing this, Melody," she said, the volume of her voice increasing. "You know I hate keeping this from him. If he ever finds out, he'll hate me for it. Maybe Nick will too. It's not fair."

The grip around my heart tightened when I saw the hurt displayed in her hazel eyes. "Lorna, I'm so sorry," I whispered as I took her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "When the time is right, I will tell him, okay? And I'm so sorry for putting you in the middle. That was never my intention. But ... you're my best friend. I couldn't exactly keep something as big as this from you, could I?"

"No, I guess not," she replied softly and looked away again. "I just hate this. You both keep asking me questions about the other one, and it's tearing me apart to see you both so miserable. It's been a year, Mel, and you're still not over him. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"It does," I nodded with bitterness in my voice. "That I'm a romantic fool who holds on to things for too long."

"No, sweetie," Lorna objected and grabbed my hand to get my attention. "It tells you that you still love AJ. Just like he still loves you."

My eyes welled up with unshed tears at her words. "He does?" I asked, my voice choking up.

Lorna smiled sympathetically and nodded silently. "It's as clear as the sun in the sky," she said. "I don't think a day goes by when he doesn't think about you. When I'm with him, I can see how much he struggles not to ask me how you're doing. Just like you always do."

I wiped the salty tears from my cheeks and shook my head sadly. "If he ever found out about what I kept for him, he wouldn't even bother to look at me twice," I whispered. "I'm so scared that if I tell him the real reason why I left, he'll never want anything else to do with me."

"So instead of having him push you away, you're beating him to it?" Lorna asked and raised an eyebrow. "Melody, that doesn't make any sense."

"I know," I nodded and smiled halfheartedly. "I don't understand it either. But I made a huge mistake, Lorna. One I can never take back. It's too late now."

"No, it isn't, sweetie," she said softly as she scooted closer and wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders. "If you tell him, eventually he'll understand. He's got no other choice, you know?"

"Maybe," I shrugged and leaned my head in the crook of her neck. "But it's just not easy. I ... I'm terrified."

"I know, hun," she soothed and rested her head against mine. "But if you don't tell him, the consequences will be too big to handle. The longer you wait, the more hurt he will be by it."

I sniffled loudly, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer. Lorna enveloped me in a close hug, and I rested my head on her shoulder as the tears began trickling down my cheeks.

"I miss him so much," I whispered through my sobs. "I miss everything about him. His voice, his laughter, his eyes. I can't even stop thinking about him. God Lorna, I'm so lost."

"No, you're not, Mel," she said softly and brushed my hair in a repetitive motion. "You're not. No one blames you for missing him. I just wish you could see how lost he is without you, how badly they all want to see you again. Can't you just grant them that wish?"

I pulled myself out of her embrace and shook my head as I wiped my flushed cheeks of the moist. "You know I can't do that," I whispered. "I'd have to start explaining everything and I'd be forced to tell them. And if I saw AJ again ... I don't know what I would do."

She let out a deep sigh and ran a hand through her golden-blonde hair. "There's no way I can convince you, is there?" she asked again.

I shook my head as I curled myself up in a ball, leaning my body against the back of the couch.

"All right," she agreed and sighed again. "But please, just promise me you'll call one of them, okay? They'll be home next week. Just let them know that you're doing all right."

"I will," I nodded sincerely. "I promise."

"Good," she smiled softly. "It's good to see I was able to knock a little sense into your head."

I chuckled softly and shook my head. "You're impossible," I remarked with a crooked grin.

"If I was impossible, I wouldn't be your friend, now would I?"

"True," I grinned and stood up from my seat as I stretched a little. "I need to stretch my legs. Want something from the kitchen?"

"A water, if you've got one," she said.

"Sure," I nodded as I began walking towards the door. "Water I always have. Don't you know that by now?"

I heard Lorna chuckle softly as I entered my new, big kitchen and let out a sigh of relief. Like I said earlier, when quiet times every once in a while graced me with their presence, I welcomed them with open arms.

Turning on the air condition on my way to the refrigerator, I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to keep all my thoughts away. Thought of AJ. Thoughts of excuses and explanations. Thoughts of how angry he would be if he ever found out what I'd been keeping from him.

I turned on the radio on the counter as I skimmed through the refrigerator, absentmindedly humming to the song they currently played. When I found the two water bottles I'd searched for, I slammed it closed again and walked over to the radio to turn it off again. But the announcement they made, caused me to stop dead in my tracks with my jaw practically hitting the floor.

"Next we have a real classic up for all you lovebirds out there. The young generation might not know it, but us old-timers have all loved it for several years now, am I right? Here's Rod Stewart with ‘Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?'"

The chords started playing, and a hand flew to my mouth in surprise. I hadn't heard that song in over a year. Not since my day of Christmas shopping with AJ. I leaned my back against the counter and closed my eyes as the memories flooded back into my mind quicker than I had ever thought possible.

His features were so extraordinary. I could never get enough of tracing my fingers over his strong jaw and small goatee as I ran my hand through his thick hair. But his eyes were what captured me the most. They seemed to tell me his entire life story when the room was silent and his lips remained closed. I could tell whatever he was feeling just by gazing into the beautiful amber, and it always seemed impossible to look away.

With a small smile, I turned my body to the side so I faced him and laced my arms together around his neck. He looked at me surprised, but turned his body as well. I leaned closer till our heads were nearly inches apart and softly began singing.

"Have I told you lately that I love you..."

I kissed his forehead and continued.

"Have I told you there's no one else above you..."

I moved down and kissed his jaw ever so softly.

"Fill my heart with gladness..."

My journey continued as I kissed the tip of his nose.

"Take away all my sadness..."

My final destination was his mouth and I lingered at his lips as a small smile played on mine. I pulled slightly away and grinned.

"Ease my troubles, that's what you do."

He chuckled softly and wrapped his arms securely around my waist. "What was that for?" he asked softly.

I played with the back of his hair as I looked into his eyes, trying to make him understand the intensity of what he made me feel. "Just for being the most amazing guy I've ever known," I said quietly. "You make me feel beautiful, AJ. No one's ever been able to do that, and no one else but you ever will. You make me feel wanted and appreciated and that means more to me than words could ever express. What can I ever do to thank you?"

The smile on his lips faded as his look turned serious. "I ... I just want you to be happy," he whispered quietly as his eyes darkened. "That's all."

"But I am," I said and kissed him again with all I had in me to try and prove my point. "AJ, I'm walking on clouds. Just being with you makes my whole day brighter. Don't you know that by now?"

He took my hand and directed it to his lips as he gently kissed it. "I'm glad," he said. "I just wanna try to make you as happy as you make me. Although I don't think that's even possible."

"I beg to differ," I smiled softly. "And just in case I haven't told you lately ... I love you."

He chuckled and pulled me closer to him again. "I love you too," he said quietly just before his lips covered mine. My grip around his neck tightened as I did everything I could do make him come closer. I wanted him as near to me as he could possibly be.

I quickly returned to the real world when I heard Lorna call out my name. Shaking my head, I grabbed the water bottles on the counter and turned the radio off again.

"It's not fair," I whispered. "Just when I'd found you, I had to give you up again."

What would ever happen if I saw him again? Would we just have that awkward conversation about life after the break-up and then go our separate ways? God, I hoped not. Maybe he'd confess how much he loved me and had missed me, and I'd run into his arms without ever worrying about having to look back? Right, get a reality check, Melody.

"Oh well," I sighed as I walked back into the living room with a pasted smile on my lips. Time to dodge all the questions and pleading expressions again. Who ever knew that a break-up would be this difficult to get through?

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