PART TWO

*AJ*

Running my hands on the ceiling of the bottom bunk, I sighed and looked out the window. The scenery outside seemed to fly by in a matter of seconds, only to disappear as quickly as they appeared. Just one more week of living on the road. Then I could finally get back to my house with steady ground under my feet.

Then again, I guess it wasn't that big of a thrill to begin with. What did I have to go home to? Absolutely nothing. Just a pitch-black, cold mansion, along with a box full of memories and ‘what ifs'.

I folded my hands behind my head and closed my eyes, trying to block everything but the sound of the motor buzzing underneath me. God, I hated these days. The days where she just wouldn't get out of my mind. No matter what I did or where I went, she was always there behind my eyelids, ready to make the rest of the day a living hell.

Of course these days weren't so frequent anymore. I mean, it had been a year, right? I was over it already. In fact, I'd gotten over her a long time ago. Melody was a long-gone memory in the history of my miserable love life.

Damn, trying to lie to yourself. Nice one, McLean.

I wonder what she's doing, I thought as I looked up and spotted the moon between the dark clouds. A small smile played on my lips. At least there was one steady point that always stayed in the same place.

Pulling out my notebook from my shelf, I grabbed my pen and glanced at the lyrics I had written down. Whenever I had one of these days (I liked to refer to them as ‘days from hell') I would sit down and scribble small words and sentences into something that, hopefully, one day would become a song. So far I didn't have much. I chewed on the end of the pen as I looked down on the sheet with a small frown.

You close your eyes
And leave me naked by your side
You close your heart the door so I can't see
The love you hold keep inside
The love you keep for me

It breaks my heart fills me up
It fills me up so I can't see
The love you keep inside
The love you keep for me

I stay
To watch you make the play fade away
I think dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you'll be gone
It gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you'll be gone
I wish by God you'd stay

I absentmindedly tapped the end of the pen on the sheet as I re-read it a few times. Remembering the words I'd thought up earlier today at sound-check, I began writing them down.

I stay awake
I stay awake to see you smile

No, that didn't work. I wrinkled my nose displeased and scratched out the last few words. But it had to be something along those lines. What would work instead? Chewing on my pen again, I looked outside and caught sight of the moon again. Maybe...

I stay awake
I stay awake to see you smile watch you breathe

Definitely better. A smile of satisfaction crossed over my lips as the words suddenly flowed from the pen with the speed of lightening.

I stay awake
I stay awake to see you smile watch you breathe
I stay awake and watch you fly
Away into the night
Escaping through a dream

"Yo, AJ! Get your ass out here and be sociable!"

Why was Brian and Nick on my bus anyway? Oh yeah, they'd invited themselves. I growled as I closed the notebook and threw it back on my small shelf, pulled the curtains to the side and stepped out of my bunk.

"Since when do you guys need me as a conversationalist?" I asked as I buried my hands in my pockets and walked into the front of the bus where Brian and Nick had seated themselves at the table. Brian picked at the strings on his guitar, Nick fiddled with one of his drawings and both of them grinned widely at me.

"Dude, with you being the host of this bus, you need to converse with your guests," Brian remarked, throwing his arms out to point out the surroundings. "It's common courtesy."

"If I'd actually asked you to come, I would've gladly conversed," I replied as I plopped into a chair at the end of the table.

"Ouch. Dude, that stings."

I chuckled and shook my head. "You guys been dipping into my Pepsi supplies again?"

"You better believe it," Nick exclaimed, slapping a high-five with his comrade in crime. "I mean, we gotta do something. All my Nintendo games are on my bus, and you're sitting in there sulking-"

"Am not sulking."

"Then what do you call it?"

"I was ... writing," I said hesitantly and fidgeted in my seat. "Just scribbling."

"On what?" Brian questioned, his eyebrows raising.

"A song."

"Oh? Hey, that's cool," he nodded. "You haven't been writing in a while. Can we see it? Maybe I can help you with music or something."

"Sure, why not?" I shrugged. I knew they were gonna to see it eventually, no point in postponing the inevitable. With a small sigh, I stood up and walked back to my bunk, grabbing the notebook and walking back to the front.

"Here," I said and threw the book Brian's way. He caught it gracefully and opened the first page. I sat down as I watched him skim through it, a small frown forming on his forehead.

"Hey, let me see," Nick exclaimed and walked over to the other side to look over Brian's shoulder. Brian looked up again and sent me a knowing grin, one which annoyed me to no end.

"Written with anyone particular in mind?" he asked.

"No." When I saw him raise his eyebrows in disbelief, I simply shrugged. "You ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer," I said simply.

"Dude, why don't you just call her?" Nick asked as he sat down in the seat next to Brian. "I'm sure she'd want you to."

"I don't have her new number."

"I can give it to you."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Thanks, but no thanks," I said. "I'm not getting myself into that shitload of mess again. First time was plenty."

"Obviously not," Brian said quietly and waved the notebook in his hand.

"What?" I asked and threw my hands in the air. "Yeah, sure I think about her. I mean, the way we left things weren't exactly fine and dandy. Which is why I just wanna keep things the way they are. No one gets hurt that way."

"That's definitely not the way things seem, AJ," Nick remarked and leaned back in his seat.

"Please, just back the fuck off, all right? I didn't ask for opinions."

"Fine," they both said and held their hands up in defence. I huffed and sank further down in my seat as I looked out the window sternly. I crossed my arms over my chest and closed my eyes as I shook my head at myself for what I was about to say.

"So ... you still talk to her?"

Fuck it, they were right. I was so asking for this.

I looked back to see both of them nodding. "Mostly because of Lorna, though," Nick said softly. "For some reason, she won't let me see her. I don't know why. But anyway, we talk on the phone and email and such. It's cool."

"Same here," Brian nodded. "Besides, Leigh and her are friends too, so there's a lot of connections to her. But I haven't seen her since-"

He paused mid-sentence and looked down to his feet. "Well, you know," he shrugged.

"I see," I nodded and fiddled with my hands. "And she's ... doing okay?"

"She's fine," Brian said and looked up at me. "I think she misses you a lot, though."

I swallowed hard and tried my best to make my shrug seem nonchalant. "Maybe," I said quietly. "Maybe not."

The room stayed silent, neither one of us knowing what to say. After a while, I watched Brian as he picked his guitar back up and looked down at my notebook. Then he hit the strings a few times and played a small tune as the words flooded softly out of his mouth, hesitantly as he tested it out.

"I stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you'll be gone
It gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you'll be gone
I wish by God you'd stay."

He looked up at me and I smiled softly and nodded. He returned the gesture, then looked down and kept on playing to find the additional chords.

I sighed quietly and looked out the window again. The moon was getting smaller and more distant as the stars were busy filling up the sky. If only things were as simple as that, I thought as an image of her piercing blue eyes flickered before my eyes. Yup, simplicity would definitely be good right about now.

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