PART SIX

I met the gaze of four pairs of eyes, each with their own version of confusion written in them. Silence hung tightly in the air as I leaned back in my seat and lit up a cigarette, looking back at my best friends expectantly. Finally, Brian cleared his throat.

"So ... what happened after that?"

"Nothing," I said quietly. "I left and drove directly back here. I figured you'd all still be here and I ... I didn't really know where else to go right now." I rubbed my face with my free hand and sighed deeply. This was definitely not my day.

"I can't believe this," Kevin said in a voice barely above a whisper. "All this time ... she kept this from you all this time. From all of us." He slumped back in his seat and stared into space with a blank expression.

"This is," Howie said slowly, struggling to find the words. "It's ... I don't know what it is. You're a father, AJ. That's ... that's something."

I nodded slowly and turned out the cigarette but with a sigh. "You guys gotta help me," I said softly. "I'm so confused right now. I just ... I don't know..."

"Of course we'll help you," Brian said and placed his hand on my arm. "J, you're not alone, okay? We're all here for you."

I smiled gratefully and nodded. Finally I turned to the one person that still had remained speechless. "Nick, say something," I said with a small frown.

He fidgeted vigorously with his hands and kept biting his lip as he frowned. "I don't know what to say, man," he finally replied and shook his head. "Did ... did Lorna know about this?" He looked up at me, his eyes silently praying for an answer I was pretty sure I couldn't give him.

"I don't know," I sighed and shook my head. "But I'm guessing she did. Those two being best friends and all."

Nick nodded slowly at the realization and looked down to his hands again. I closed my eyes as I drew in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly, struggling to escape reality for just a moment. Just for a second. "She named her Faye," I said softly when I opened my eyes again. "Faye ... that's pretty, don't you think?"

Howie and Brian both smiled and nodded sympathetically. "She's this precious little thing," I continued with a vague smile as I placed my elbows on the table, supporting my head in my hands. "With little brown curls and brown eyes. And she's got this cute little giggle that-"

"AJ, what are you planning to do?" Kevin asked as he leaned forward, placing his hands on the table. "I mean, there's the press for one. And the fans. And what about Melody? If she kept this from all of us for so long, why decide to suddenly change that?"

"What are you suggesting, Kev?" I asked with a frown. "Melody's not a golddigger."

"How do you know?" he asked and raised an eyebrow. "AJ, I would never think that about her either, but considering what she's done ... how can you defend her?"

"I'm not defending her," I snapped. "But I know she's not like that." I counted off the reasons on my fingers one by one. "One, she's not trying this to get me back, seeing she was the one who broke up with me in the first place. Two, we all know she doesn't need the money, right? I mean, she's got enough to support both herself and Faye for two lifetimes. And three." I looked at my hand as I bit my lower lip nervously. "She made it pretty clear that the only kind of money she would take was child support. So that's how I know."

"Dude, I don't fucking get you," Nick suddenly exclaimed and threw his hands in the air. "How can you sit there and act like this doesn't change everything?!"

"I know it does," I said slowly, my fists clenching under the table. "But what do you except me to do, Nick? Break down and cry?"

"Well, at least you'd be showing some kind of emotion."

"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Sensitive," I exclaimed sarcastically and pointed a finger at him. "But you don't know anything about what I'm feeling right now. Get it? You don't know shit, so just shut the fuck up and get off my case!"

"Did it ever occur to you that the rest of us might feel betrayed as well?" Nick asked, his eyes burning with a blazing fire. "Maybe you can just forget and forgive, but I sure as hell can't. As far I'm concerned, Melody played us all for fools."

"Nick, stop being an ass, all right?" Brian snapped and shot him a pointed glare. "This isn't about you."

"The hell it is," he sneered and directed his gaze back at me. "This is about all of us. We're all gonna be affected by this one way or the other. And you're telling me that she's just gonna get away with all of this?"

"I really don't have a choice, Nick," I snapped. "She's the mother of my child, so she's gonna be in my life, whether I like it or not. Now, if you're gonna turn this all around to revolve around you, that's fine. I don't give a fuck. No one's forcing you to go anywhere near her. If you feel that strongly about it, just walk away. I'm not sure as hell not stopping you."

"All right, that's it," Howie exclaimed and pounded his fists into the table, looking at all of us with darkened eyes. "Let's just talk about this, okay? This is fucking serious! There's a kid involved in all of this, so could you both just stop being immature for two seconds so we can figure out what to do?"

"Oh come on, Howie," Kevin spat and pulled his ankle up to rest on his knee. "Nick's right. Sure, we need to be adults about this situation, but I'm not gonna forgive Melody for what she did to us. This is a major disaster and I have no idea what we're gonna do to get out of it."

"You do realize that this ‘disaster' you're referring to is my daughter, right Kev?" I asked and tilted my head a little, feeling my blood boil in my veins. Before he could reply, Brian held his arms out in front of him to silence him.

"Kevin, you gotta be kidding me," he said slowly while shaking his head. "You too, Nick. Are you really gonna let your stupid pride get in the way of proper judgement? Why are you acting like this is your problem? AJ's the one who needs to make a decision here, not us."

"Oh, quit being so noble already," Nick spat and crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't act like you're not concerned about this. Did you consider the press? They're gonna have a field day with this, you know? And the fans. What do you think this is gonna do to us as a group?"

"Would you stop being so fucking egotistical?!"

"I'm not being egotistical! Damn you, Brian! Don't you understand how serious this is?"

"Nick, sit down, all right? This doesn't solve anything."

"D, just do me a favor and shut up!"

"What the ... who the hell do you think you are?"

I looked at my four bandmates who had picked up a full-blown fight with each other. A sigh escaped my lips as I ran a hand through my hair and looked away, disgust filling my entire body. "Guys ... guys!" I turned my head back and pounded my fist into the table. "Guys!" I exclaimed, my voice roaring with a volume I never imagined. They all paused in their argument and looked surprised at me.

"I told you this because I needed your help," I said, trying to remain calm. "Not to make you all act like fucking idiots! Brian's right, this is my life and my decision. I will deal with the press and the fans when the time comes. The only thing I'm asking for is your support." I looked at them all and hissed out my next question through clenched teeth. "Now ... do I have at least that?"

I watched them all look down to the floor and I leaned back in my seat, waiting for an answer. "Of course you have our support," Brian said and looked up. "We're gonna help you every way possible."

Howie nodded and smiled softly. "Definitely."

I looked at Kevin and gave him a questioning look. He scraped his foot back and forth on the tiles and looked up at me, offering a small smile. "Hey, we're all brothers here," he said quietly. "We've always been there for each other. This isn't an exception."

I nodded slowly and turned to Nick. "And you?" I asked. He glared back at me through squinted eyes and puffed out a small breath of air as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'll be here for you, J," he said firmly. "As long as you keep Melody the fuck away from me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go talk to my girlfriend about the fact that she's been lying to me for the past 14 months." He stood up from his seat and stomped out of the room with paces that echoed long after he'd slammed the door shut behind him.

I buried my head in my hands and shook it repetitively. Just focus on Faye, I thought to myself. Focus on your daughter.

*Lorna*

I was having a pleasant conversation with Leigh, Kristin and Cassidy when Nick all of a sudden appeared from inside the house. Now, the fact that AJ had all of a sudden reappeared at the barbecue and called all the boys inside for a ‘meeting' was confusing enough as it was. But the look that Nick now held was enough to turn my attention away from the rest of the girls and look at him surprised.

He reached the table we sat at and dryly said, "I need to talk to you. Alone." His eyes blazed with anger and he kept picking at the skin around his fingers while staring at me with a look that meant business.

I glanced back at him and frowned. "Right now?"

"Right now."

"Uh ... okay," I said slowly. "If you girls will excuse me for a minute." I stood up from my seat and allowed Nick to follow me inside and up the stairs to, what I'm guessing was, one of the guest rooms. He closed the door behind us and pointed to the bed, motioning for me to sit down. I hesitantly followed his request and watched him pace back and forth for a few minutes without saying a word. I was definitely growing concerned.

"So," he finally said, the tone of his voice sharp as the blade of a knife. "Melody let AJ in on a little secret today. Did you happen to know anything about that?"

My body tensed up as I watched him pause and look at me with expectant eyes. "I ... um, I..." I stuttered and began fiddling with the fresh bed sheet underneath me. "What secret?"

"So you're saying you don't know what Melody has been keeping from him for the past year?"

I swallowed hard and met his gaze again, terrified of what I would see. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest and leaned his back against the wall, looking at me expectantly. It was obvious that he didn't need to hear the words to find out the truth. "I ... yes, I knew," I whispered as I bit my lower lip.

"For how long?"

"The whole time. She told me the day she broke up with AJ. Do you remember that phone call you took from her that day?"

He ran a hand through his hair and looked out the window as his eyes flickered with so much confusion and hurt I could barely stand to look at him. I felt a lump forming in my throat and swallowed hard again, silently waiting for his response.

"Lorna," he said quietly and looked back at me. "Do you realize this changes everything? Do you even understand what you've done?"

A stray tear trickled down my cheek as I nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I know it was wrong not to tell, but-"

"No," he interrupted sternly and held up a hand to silence me. "No buts. You just don't get it, do you? AJ's life is completely turned upside down because Melody was too chicken to tell him she was pregnant. And you ... you allowed her to keep this secret for all this time. Were you ever planning to tell me about this?"

"It wasn't my place to tell, Nick."

"What are you talking about?" he asked intensely and threw his hands in the air. "I honestly don't care how close you two are. You don't keep something like this from someone, Lorna! You just don't."

"Don't you think he would've been even more hurt if it had come from me?" I asked and stood up as I walked closer to him. "Nick, I just did what I thought was right."

"Don't come any closer," he whispered with disgust in his eyes. "I can barely look at you right now."

Tears welled up in my eyes from his harsh words. Did the love of my life just say that? "Nick," I sobbed and shook my head vigorously. "Don't do this to me, please. I love you!" My heart broke into a million pieces when I saw his eyes water up as well.

"How am I supposed to trust you now?" he asked quietly as he fiercely reached up and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. "Dammit, Lorna, tell me how I can trust you again, because I don't know what to do."

"Nick, I'm begging you to listen," I whispered, not bothering to wipe off my own tears. "I ... I wasn't thinking, okay? I pleaded for Melody to think about it a second time, to tell AJ why she was so scared of having a baby with him. But she wouldn't listen and she swore me to secrecy. I just ... I couldn't break that promise. No matter how much I wanted to, I just can't do something like that. I don't think I ever considered how badly it could change things between you guys. And ... between us."

His gaze met mine and held it for what seemed like an eternity. I tried, my God, I tried to make my eyes tell him how sorry I was and how much I loved him, and I could've sworn his eyes told me the same. Finally he broke the eyecontact and ran a hand through his already tousled hair. "I don't know what to say," he whispered. "Everything is such a mess right now. Everybody's lives are being turned upside down because of a little baby girl, who never did anything wrong. That just doesn't seem fair."

"I know," I whispered sadly and wrapped my arms protectively around myself. "Faye is such an innocent child."

"So this is why none of us has seen her for so long, huh?" he suddenly asked and threw out a sarcastic laugh. "Well, I guess I don't blame her now. I bet it's a bit difficult to hide a pregnant stomach. And all this time, I thought it was just her pride getting in the way. God, how could I have been so stupid?" He walked over to the window and leaned his shoulder against the wall, looking out over the backyard with a blank expression in his eyes.

"Nick, please," I said softly and walked up next to him. I hesitated a little before I placed my hand on his shoulder. To my surprise, I found that he was trembling. "Please say it's not over between us. Just tell me what I can do to make up for this."

He looked back at me with true wonder written in his eyes. "I don't know, Lorna," he said quietly and shook his head. "I honestly don't know."

I closed my eyes as a few more tears trickled down my cheeks and turned my head as I nodded slowly. Dear God, I had lost him. The greatest love of my life had just slipped out of my hands, all because I had been too afraid to tell him what had troubled me for so long. Serves you well, Lorna. You only get what you deserve.

Suddenly I felt his index finger under my chin, gently pushing it upwards to face him again. I opened my eyes to see him wipe my tears away with his free hand. "Don't cry," he whispered gently. "I can't stand it when you cry."

My lower lip started to quiver when my eyes met his. "Nick," I whispered. "Just ... hold me. Please."

His hand kept brushing my cheek as he looked into my eyes, searching for an answer I didn't have. Then he wrapped his arms around me and allowed me to rest my head on his shoulder. "Shh, baby," he soothed as his hand ran gently up and down my back. "It's gonna be okay."

"I'm sorry," I choked as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him as close to me as I could. "God, Nick, I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he whispered softly. "We'll figure this out somehow ... I hope."

_____________________________

Chapter 05 » Chapter 07