PART TWENTY-TWO

"Howie, could you hand me that magazine over there?" I asked, gesturing towards the latest issue of Elle that had been carelessly thrown a few seats from where Howie was sitting.

He looked in the direction I had pointed to, then smiled and said, "Sure," before handing me the magazine. I offered a small smile of gratitude and started flipping through the pages.

An endless number of articles, pictures and colors were plastered on each page, yet I saw nothing but a blur of dancing letters in front of me. "It's no use," I sighed and threw the magazine to the floor before rubbing my face furiously.

"You're gonna wear yourself out if you keep doing that, Mel," I heard AJ say. I looked up and saw him casually flip through Sports Illustrated, barely glancing my way as he spoke. "The only thing to do right now is to try and think of something else."

"Well, excuse me, Mr. High-and-Mighty," I spat, making him look up from his precious magazine. "But I can't think of anything but my sick little girl in there. So stop acting like an ass long enough to realize that I can't switch my mind off like you can. I think one of her parents should at least be worried."

The room fell dead silent except for the distant sound of a nurse laughing loudly across the hall. AJ opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead he looked down to the floor without saying a word.

I sat motionless for a moment, staring at his exhausted figure. This was the man I loved; the man I would gladly die for, and I had just accused him of not giving a damn about his own daughter. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than for him to scream at me and tell me to back off. Anything but this suffocating silence.

"God, AJ … I'm so sorry," I whispered and wrapped my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder and pressing my forehead against his cheek. "I didn't mean that. Jesus, I don't know what got into me."

He reached up and stroked my hair comfortingly. "I know, baby," he whispered. "It's okay. Don't worry."

We sat like that for a moment, each of us in deep thought. "I think this place is driving me over the edge," I then sighed and pulled away from him again, leaning my head against the wall behind me and closing my eyes. "I just wanna get out of here."

"We'll be out of here soon," I heard him say quietly before he took my hand and intertwined our fingers. "I'm sure it won't be long."

I smiled softly and turned my head to face the three guys that had stuck out the waiting with us for so many hours. Brian, Nick and Howie all sat a few chairs away, letting AJ and I have a little privacy. They were practically falling asleep on top of each other.

Nick's head had fallen onto Brian's shoulder so many times in the past hour that Brian had finally given up shrugging him off and just let him sleep. Brian himself had his head leaned back against the wall, staring blankly into space, and Howie supported his head with his hand, rubbing his eyes for quite possibly the twentieth time in the past hour.

"You guys okay?" I asked softly, speaking lightly so Nick wouldn't wake up. Howie and Brian both looked at me and offered me a vague smile.

"Yeah," Brian answered dully and stifled a yawn. "Just a bit tired."

"A bit tired?" I asked and smiled a little. "You look like you're about to fall out of your chair. Why don't you guys go home and we'll let you know if anything changes?"

"She's right," AJ agreed. "I don't want you guys walking around like zombies tomorrow. I'll give you a call later if-"

"No way," Howie said and shook his head. "You're not getting rid of us that easily. We're staying and that's the end of it."

I smiled again, this time a much more genuine one. "Thank you," I said hoarsely and closed my eyes again. If only Kevin and Lorna could've been here. But Kevin was stuck in his log cabin with a blizzard raging outside, giving him no opportunity to get to the hospital. Lorna was currently in LA on a promotional tour, but was trying her best to catch the next flight home.

I could only pray that I had good news for them when they got here.

"I wanna see her again," I suddenly said and opened my eyes to look at AJ, silently pleading for him to come with me.

"You can't see her right now, sweetie," he said quietly and tucked my hair behind my ears. "Dr. Parker's with her right now. It's almost been 12 hours, so…" He paused himself and looked down, suddenly at a loss of words.

I took in a shaky breath and exhaled momentarily after. "So all we can do is wait," I finished and met his gaze again when he looked up. He nodded slowly and swallowed hard.

"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking. "All we can do is wait."

I sighed deeply and looked away, feeling the familiar stinging sensation in my eyes. How could he stay so collected? I'd broken down more times in one day than I'd done all year, but I hadn't seen him shed one single tear. Was he doing this to protect me?

"It's not fair, you know," I said quietly. "To tell you that your daughter, a person that you have given birth to and love more than your own life, has a chance of dying. And then they have the nerve to set a time limit on her critical state. Don't they know that it's the most effective way to drive people out of their minds?"

"I know," AJ nodded and offered me a half smile. "Doctors are pretty fucked up."

I chuckled dryly. "You got that right. The whole system is fucked up. Fuck all of it." I gestured out into the room with my hand and let it fall lazily.

I had no idea what words were coming out of my mouth at that point and if they were even making sense. I wanted to scream and tear the entire room apart, but my limbs were too tired to move and my mouth too dry to say anything above a whisper. Most of all I just wanted to cry so hard that my body would tremble from the pressure.

But I couldn't. There were no more tears left.

"They're doing the best they can, though," AJ said quietly and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "Regardless of what it might look like, they're trying."

"Their best isn't good enough, AJ," I whispered, my voice cracking again. "Not when it comes to Faye."

He sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his hands. "I know," he mumbled. "Believe me, I know."

At that moment, it wasn't the AJ I knew so well that was sitting next to me. This one wasn't cocky or funny. He wasn't passionate or sensitive either. I couldn't even tell if he was heartbroken. All I saw before me was a tired man, who had absolutely no idea what to do or say to make me feel better. And that realization was scaring him to death.

I looked back to the hallway where doctors and nurses kept rushing by us. It was nothing but a blur of white coats and gloves used when operating. Did any of these people know that they held someone's entire reason for living in their hands? Were the doctors even aware of how much power they had? They could crush someone's world with just a few words.

I could never control such a power. Nor could I live with the fact that if I failed at my job, it meant someone's entire world had crashed down around them.

My eyes wandered to the room where Faye was resting. Several nurses were heading inside, two of them standing by the door and keeping watch. I frowned slightly and sat up straight in my seat. Did someone just yell ‘code blue' from inside her room?

I sent AJ a short glance, then stood up and headed down the hall. My feet were suddenly too heavy for me and I had to struggle with each step, but I didn't even notice. The sounds from inside her room were growing louder and I heard a heart monitor go off like mad. Was that Faye's?

"What's going on?" I asked when I reached the room, my voice pitching with concern. The nurse closest to me placed both hands on my shoulders and pulled me back gently, yet with incredible assertiveness.

"You can't go in right now, miss."

"What are you talking about?" I exclaimed and struggled to get out of her grasp. "That's my daughter in there! What the fuck is going on?!"

"Please calm down," the nurse said firmly, her hands still holding my shoulders tightly. "We'll let you know when there's any progre-"

"What are you trying to hide from me?!" I screamed, hitting her hands off my shoulders. "Is she dying?"

The nurse looked at me, a flash of concern and pity crossing over her face before she turned back to professional mode. "I'm very sorry, but … her state is critical. I can't say…"

"Oh my God," I whispered and held both hands to my mouth as a cascade of fresh tears trickled down my cheeks. "She's dying … she's … get out of my fucking way and let me in there!"

Before I could shove her even further, I was pulled back so quick that all air escaped from my lungs. AJ wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and pulled me as close to him as he possibly could. His voice was desperate when he spoke, doing his best to soothe me back to control. "Melody, listen to me. Calm down, please, for my sake. Please…"

My entire body crumpled as sobs caused me to tremble beyond control, but AJ didn't loosen his grasp. "S-something's wrong with her," I hiccupped and then screamed, "Get your hands off of me, AJ! I need to get in there! I … I need to…"

"I'm not letting go of you!" he exclaimed, his grasp tightening with every kick and scratch I left on him. "Don't do this, Melody. I'm begging you, just let them save her."

A sob so heartbreaking that I didn't even know it was mine at first escaped my throat. "Let me go," I cried desperately. "Let me go, goddammit! I can't lose her, Alex, I-"

"Shh," he hushed frantically, wiping sweaty bangs off my forehead. "Calm down, baby, calm down. It'll be okay…"

In the corner of my eye, I saw Brian, Nick and Howie standing a few feet away, all of them scared shitless from my outburst. I stared back and forth between all three of them, the men who all meant so much to me. They were afraid. They'd seen the same look in the nurse's eyes as I had. They knew what Faye's destiny was, but were too afraid to tell me.

Too afraid to tell themselves.

Finally I slumped against AJ's body and sobbed harder than I ever had before in my life. We fell to the ground as his embrace tightened and his mouth instantly found my ear, whispering comforting words to me with a voice hoarse with fear. It only took a few seconds before I felt the three others hover over me, doing their best to support me. I grabbed the nearest hand and squeezed it as hard as I could, trying to bring myself back to control.

"Look, sweetheart," AJ whispered and brushed my hair away from my forehead. "The doctor's on his way out now. Let's go talk to him, okay?"

I nodded quietly and swallowed the remaining sobs in my throat. This wasn't the time to have a nervous breakdown. Dr. Parker was on his way out to tell me that Faye was gonna be all right. I looked up and saw him come closer, his face glistening with sweat and his hands clutching onto his clipboard as hard as he could.

Something wasn't right. Wasn't he supposed to send me a reassuring smile when he reached me? Wasn't he supposed to be relaxed instead of straining every muscle in his body? And his eyes … they illuminated discomfort instead of the cold professionalism I had gotten used to. Dear God, what I wouldn't give for the icy glance right now.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly. "What happened?"

Dr. Parker looked down for a moment, then met my gaze before speaking. I noticed that he was clutching the clipboard so hard that his knuckles had turned white. "She uhh … she was a strong girl, but … she couldn't fight the disease. There were certain complications and…" He stopped himself for a moment, trying to think of the right words to say. "I'm truly sorry, miss Roberts. All I can say for reassurance is that she never felt any pain."

The next thing I heard was a loud crash when Howie let his cell phone fall out of his hand and onto the floor.

*AJ*

It's strange how just a few simple words can crush your entire world. How you heart can suddenly stop beating in your chest, but you find yourself still standing. Still breathing. Still holding on, for some reason. Words can be like a hard punch in the gut, yet leaving you with no physical pain from the blow.

It all stays inside. And it tears your heart right out of your chest.

Faye was dead. The same girl who could light up a whole room with a simple smile or a joyful giggle wasn't with me anymore.

She'd left me all alone again.

No one had moved or even spoken. It was like time had actually stopped, the same thing I'd been praying for all day but only happened when the nightmare actually became a reality.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The piercing, heartbreaking scream filled my ears and I nearly jumped out of my skin when Melody ripped herself out of my grasp and fell to the ground, sobbing and screaming with a frightening desperation. I kneeled down and tried to wrap my arms around her, but she jerked my hands away fiercely.

"Melody," I croaked, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "God, I … I'm so sorry. Let me help you, baby, please. What can I do?"

She looked up at me, pure hatred written in her beautiful eyes. "You can get the hell away from me," she hissed, sitting up and scooting away from me.

"What?" I whispered, taken aback by her reaction.

"Why did you let her die?!" she screamed, tears falling down her cheeks with each word. "You promised, AJ! You don't back down on a promise. This is all your fault!"

My whole body started shaking and a solitary tear trickled down my cheek, but I made no attempt to brush it away. Was the only person who could ever hurt me actually trying to do so? "Don't say that," I croaked, shaking my head slowly. Suddenly I found myself screaming, my words cracking over with heartbroken sobs. "Tell me you didn't fucking say that!"

"Why didn't you take better care of her?" she exclaimed and got up on her feet. "She wouldn't be sick if it weren't for you. Just … just stay the hell away from me, Alex!"

With that, she turned around and stormed down the hallway, her curly hair flying wildly behind her. I remained on the floor and stared in her direction, fighting down the urge to fall completely apart right then and there.

A few minutes passed before I stood up and looked at Dr. Parker, who hadn't moved from the spot where he'd ripped my entire fucking world apart. "I wanna see her," I said, my jaw tightening to fight down the lump in my throat. "Let me in there."

"I … I'm afraid that's not possible right now," he said unsurely, shifting his weight a few times as he spoke. "We need you to sign some-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence before I had him pinned up against the wall, my hand tightened around his neck before anyone could stop me. "Listen to me, you arrogant son of a bitch!" I hissed with gritted teeth. "That's my daughter in there. If you don't let me see her, I swear to God, I'm gonna bang your head through this fucking wall!"

Before I could tighten my grip around his neck even further, several pairs of arms pulled me back. My three brothers held me in place when I tried to lash out at the incompetent doctor again. "Stop it, AJ!" Howie exclaimed and held onto my chin, forcing me to look at him. "You're only gonna get yourself thrown out of here if you keep that up."

I stared back into his pleading eyes and noticed the few tears that had fallen down his cheeks. Why couldn't he stay strong for me? I needed him to lean on, to lash out at, anything to make this godforsaken pain go away, but even Howie, my closest and dearest friend, couldn't do that for me.

"Don't cry," I said slowly, my voice dangerously low. "Do not … cry, Howie."

He held my gaze for what seemed like an eternity, then nodded silently and took a deep breath before wiping his wet cheeks. It didn't go unnoticed that Brian and Nick did the same thing. I bit down hard on my lower lip before facing the doctor again, who was still massaging his sore neck.

"Let me see her," I repeated, my voice more quiet this time. "Please."

He looked at me, challenged me with his eyes, but I made no attempt to back down. He sighed lightly, then stepped aside and opened the door to her room. "Only for a moment," he said firmly.

I nodded and walked towards the room, taking deep breaths with every step I took. All I needed was a chance to say goodbye to her, to kiss her forehead before it grew cold.

Before there was nothing left of my precious baby girl.

_____________________________

Chapter 21 » Chapter 23